his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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