I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
