She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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