dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
