im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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