your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
