stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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