M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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