Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
