i think my mom watched the whole time
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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