i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
