i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
