I'm going to jail i love you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
