If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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