I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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