I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
