Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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