I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
