Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
