I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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