Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
