Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
