Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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