wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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