just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
