I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
