I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
