He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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