At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
