Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
