i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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