This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
