she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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