Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
