He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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