They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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