I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
