OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
