Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
