jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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