I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
