I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
