So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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