Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
