You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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