Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
