A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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