I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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