my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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