I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
