The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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