We're like a lot better than the average bears
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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