Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
