I think scott just propositioned me for sex
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
