I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have fence marks all over my body
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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