She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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