Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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