Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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