Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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