I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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