Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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