watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
